Honor your father and your mother

It is written in Devarim 5,17-


כַּבֵּד אֶת אָבִיךָ וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ, כַּאֲשֶׁר צִוְּךָ ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ, לְמַעַן יַאֲרִיכֻן יָמֶיךָ, וּלְמַעַן יִיטַב לָךְ, עַל הָאֲדָמָה, אֲשֶׁר ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ, נֹתֵן לָךְ".


Basically the Torah is telling us that it is a commandment to respect your father and mother. It even tells us the reward for doing so, that our days will get longer and better on the land the Hashem gives us. We all know about this mitzvah especially since it is one of the Ten Commandments of the Torah. We also know how difficult it is sometimes to fulfill as we get older. Sometimes our points of view are different than our parents' and it is rather difficult at times to "respect" their ways.

We know that it is Halacha, if a son sees his father not doing something according to Halacha, he should not tell him that he is wrong. Rather he can tell him indirectly, "father, listen to what I learned in Yeshiva today, or so on." The Gemara in Kidushin tells us of a story of a gentile, Dama ben Nesina, who refused to wake up his father even to make a huge profit and passed up on the business deal. Our sages chose to learn Kibud Av Ve'em from this example showing to what great depths this mitzvah can be fulfilled.

The question which I am going to ask here is, when does this all start? From what day do we have to fulfill this mitzvah? Is it from the day we receive Ol Mitzvot ( the yoke of the commandments) or is it even at a younger age?


Unfortunately, the amount of respect children show towards their parents most of the time depends on the limits parents set, and the respect they demand from children. Last night, I was thinking about parents who have respect issues with their kids. It got me to start thinking, who is to blame, the child or the parent? I concluded that it is indeed the parent who is responsible for this. The parent who sets boundaries and keeps them, has a more "respectful" child. We all know that children do not seize even for a minute to test us constantly on the boundaries we set.

All this connected to the mitzvah of Shemirat Shabat for me, because in the same way parents are responsible to teach this to their children according to the Torah. We have a responsibility to pass down the Torah to our children, and to teach them to live by it. We see this on one of our biggest holidays Passover, which according to the Torah has two major mitzvot, Matza, and Magid. The basic purpose for the Chag is to "tell" our children, the next generation of Jews, about our history and Torah. With all this being true, we see that the Torah requires a Jew to start his children off with a life of Torah and Mitzvot. From this I learned that just like we must teach Shabat to children, the same way we must teach them to respect us.

In a way, the respect which we demand from them will in the future determine if they will be able to fulfill one of the major commandments of the Torah. We therefor, must constantly struggle not to allow our kids, "to walk all over us" by setting a high self respect level with them. This way they will learn two great things, to respect their parents and eventually themselves. I truly believe that we as parents are responsible for the way our children treat us. It is very difficult to keep up, but it is definitely worth it. If we are successful in this, like I said, we will start them on the right path to this Mitzvah and we will right away see one of the promises the Torah promises US for respecting OUR parents- וּלְמַעַן יִיטַב לָךְ-
it will be a more pleasant reality for us to live in with respectful children.

After I thought a little bit about the connection between honoring parents and teaching Shabat, and the rest of the Torah to children, I looked in the source itself and saw a second place where this is mentioned, in Vayikra 19,3.

"אִישׁ אִמּוֹ וְאָבִיו תִּירָאוּ, וְאֶת שַׁבְּתֹתַי תִּשְׁמֹרוּ, אֲנִי ה' אֱלֹהֵיכֶם"
A man must fear his mother and father, and keep my Shabbats, I am Hashem your G-d


 So I am in a way making my own derasha by saying that the Torah even brings this down to us that these two commandments have a connection in the Jewish way of upbringing. And if we look further, in this example it is talking about about an Ish, a grown up person, not a child. So could it be possible that the Torah is saying, just like you must fear/respect your mother and father, you must also keep my Shabats. The same place where we learned to keep the Shabat must also be the same place where we will learn to respect our parents.

In conclusion, even though it is tough, we must teach our little ones about this mitzvah, and how to fulfill it. Even more, we might have a chance to "close" 1 of the 613 commandments for them, and ensure they will fulfill it in their grown up lives.