Two twins are in their mother's womb and are talking to one another right when they feel the birth is about to begin. One says to the other in fright, "that's it for us, our world is coming to an end! It's over! Here it was so nice, and warm. We always had nourishment, and there were never any dangers. And now death is coming, our life and world as we know it is coming to and end!" The other one reassures him, "do not be afraid brother, for I've heard differently. This is only the beginning, outside there is a whole other world! There is space, and trees, animals, sunsets, different foods and flavors to try, relationships with parents, and friends. We are going to a world much greater than this one!" The point of this parable is to show us how the world in which we live in is also just temporary and that there is a world to come, which is much greater than this one. And that which the second baby "heard" is our tradition and teachings of the Torah, which can guide us to look upon our present situation much broader than if we only had our own instincts and experiences.
I used this story here, to convey a sense of how the world is new to a newborn child when he is born, and how his relationship with his parents is critical for everything to come in his life. He is presented with "parents" which are everything to him in the beginning. The baby is fully dependent on the parent for every action and has no ability of survival of his own. The parents are Mekayem (literally means keeping alive and giving life to the child all the time) the child every second of its life. Only through the effort of the parents will this soul be able to have a life of his own in the future. Who are these two figures which we call parents and what are they to the child? Like it is stated in parashas bereshis, " On the day that God created Adam, in the likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them. He blessed them and called their name Adam on the day they were created ", man and woman were created together and only later were they spilt into two parts. This is crucial for understanding of the child-parent relationship, because we can see that really both parents act like one entity. Any actions that either one of them take will effect the whole unity and dynamics of the relationship between all three. This aids us to understand that the two parents are in reality one being. So basically we have a child who has entered to a new world which seems to be governed by one entity, which is split up into two physical beings. Does this seem similar to anything? Yes! It is exactly the situation which we are in with our relationship with Hashem. We are in this world which He governs as a unity( Shema Israel Hashem Elokeynu Hashem Ehad), but to our eyes everything is split into many physical "things" or features (Ma rabu maasheha Hashem, culam bechochma asita). These two relationships are in a way very similar. This is what I am trying to get at... the relationship which we form with our children from an early age, will be the foundation of his relationship with The Holy One Blessed Be He.
The parents also have different tasks and characteristics which make their fusion perfect. They each also represent a certain "characteristic" of Hashem. Man and woman, who where created as one, were created in the image of Hashem, as written in Bereshit 1, 26, " And we shall make Adam in our image like our likeness". We see that the Elokim says plurally, "in our image" rather than a single image. This may allude to several things, one being that The Holy One Blessed be He, even though he is One and everything, has several ways of acting, or leaving his "image" in this world. We can learn this from simply studying the grammar of the Torah. Always when Elokim "says" or does something, it is written "And Elokim said" or "created" in singular form. This is so even thought the word Elokim literally means "many Kels or powers". In this case when discribing Himself, the Torah uses a plural form to state "our image". This basically explains that while in actions, Elokim is one and is acting upon the world as a total and complete unity, where everything is interconnected and carefully planned and woven together, He consists of many "powers" and forces for lack of better wording. To our eyes these may seem as different forces because we lack the abillity to understand the Creators actions, but truly the Creator is One. Just as Maimonides writes about the inability to understand the creator, in Hilchot Yesodei Hatorah 2.10, "and this is not withing the pwer of any man to comprehend clearly", man is inept for this. Therefor, we see that the creation of Adam alludes to a oneness of man and woman. This oneness is key for relationship between man, woman, and child.
There are two main names which the Torah uses for Hashem. There is Elokim and Hashem, the four letter name. We know that Elokim is a name pertaining to the sephira Gevurah and Hashem pertains to Chesed. Here is a quick explanation of the two sephiros. In the same way the man and woman both pertain mainly to one of these sefirot. The man to Chesed and woman to Gevura. Of course there are times when it is the other way around but mainly this is the situation. The same way that a child will not get the same treatment from both parents on a particular case, he will later not always get the same treatment from Hashem. There are times when in life we need to be taught a lesson and times when we are given a gift of kindness from the Creator. A healthy balance of the two aspects in parenting will prepare the child for a healthy relationship with Hashem and the world. Just as the Torah teaches us that the Creator shows Himself to us in different lights, but is really one, the same way it is important that the parents use different techniques in unity to teach the child how to approach Hashem. In the future of his life the child will realize that there is One who creates all, and oversees all, and with a healthy balance in his childhood will be able to create a real relationship. He will not be depressed when "life" throws him down, and will not be over exited at times of blessing. The child must learn to accept the fact that life is full of ups and downs. Like we are commanded to bless Hashem for the bad just as well as the good (Baruch Dayan Haemet), the child must learn to accept the truth of life's path. This will create a more mentally balanced child. The only way accomplish this is to, by the united relationship of the parents, present to the child that both characteristics and approaches of the parents are all part of a greater whole which is eternally united. The parents can only achieve this by truly being united with one another. Everything in the household depends on this as is said in Sota 17 by Rabbi Akiva, "Man and woman, they achieved, Shchina lies in between them, they didn't achieve, fire will eat them". The parents must be united to achieve shchina, or the harmony and presence of Hashem in the household.
Basically, the parents must look at themselves as creators of the child's reality as pertains to spirituality and all things. Hopefully, based on this article, in another blog, I will address the importance of parents always appearing "together" in the eyes of the child, even when they disagree on something in particular.
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